The Secret History of Satan

Satanic Cool from Bacchus Satanas

I’ve uncovered one of the great cosmic secrets- the origin of the devil himself. Humanity has been contemplating the complexities of Satan for millennia. Freemasons and Templars spent their lives searching and dying for these answers. I started struggling with this concept when I realized how close we were to Guerras Machinas Apocalpytica – the war of machines against humans.

It was logical that only a force of evil could be behind this technological terror, a force beyond human – Satan. But this presented a conflict: How could the Prince of Pentagrams be trying to make us sin and suffer, and at the same time be trying to wipe us off the face of the earth? If he succeeded in the latter, he’d be out of out a job. It was only after weeks of pouring over ancient Greek texts and consulting my Ouija board that I arrived at the truth.

There are two supernatural forces of evil in our world. Essentially, one is trying to corrupt us and the other is trying to annihilate us. The corrupting force is the “cool” Satan – the dude who likes to possess us with demons and uses rock musicians from Danzig to the Doors to recruit humanity into his evil arms. The destructive force is the “uncool” Satan – uncool because he wants to kill us all with robot assassins. Here is the reality as it was revealed to me:

Our story starts in ancient times at the Temple of Hekate in Asia Minor. There resided a renowned and stunning priestess, Satanica. People came from across the seas to have her enchant the ones they desired, achieve victory in battle, or lay misfortune upon enemies. Kings and princes everywhere tried to woo her but none could win her favor except for two – the gods Ares and Dionysus. And they were obsessed.

Brimming with jealously, the two deities demanded proof of her loyalty with a child. She loved both her suitors but wanted to avoid a cosmic showdown. Thus, she bestowed each a son, a year apart, retreating deep within the temple during her pregnancies to keep them secret.

Eventually, the inevitable happened. The God of War and the God of Wine learned of Satanica’s treachery and her two sons. A vicious battle raged that resulted in the horrendous destruction of Dionysus’s wine cellar and his favorite goblet, which was partially lodged into the back of Ares’ skull. Finally, after a decade of devastation, a truce emerged and the two deities agreed that Satanica would take the blame. So they turned her into a worm and fed her to a crow.

Satanica had her revenge though by cursing the children she bore them. Both gods wanted their sons to be legendary heroes worshipped by mortals. Ares dreamed of a great warrior who would rival Achilles’ feats in combat. Dionysus hoped for a son who would spread his popular cult across the lands. Instead, the boys became a bane to humanity.

Not cool : Mars Satanas, mastermind of mechanized warfare

Mars Satanas, the older brother who became known as the Uncool Satan, embraced his father’s warlike ways but grew to despise mortals for their arrogance. He decided that extermination was the best fate for them. And how more poetically tragic than by having them create the means of their own destruction: self-aware machines.

Bacchus Satanas, the “Cool” Satan, looked up to his pop’s love of wine and song, but spent the first several hundred years of his life drunk, chasing girls, guys, goats and whatever else he could get his hairy hands on. It wasn’t until he stumbled into the god Marduk at a bar in Babylon that he developed his love for demons. After two weeks of doing straight alcohol shots with fire chasers (Marduk passed out after the sixth day),  Bacchus Satanas came to the conclusion that everyone should waste their lives away on pleasure and then spend the rest of eternity in eternal torment. Soon afterward, he recruited demons from across the Astral Plane to help him in his quest.

And here we are today – caught between madness and destruction.

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Book of the Decade: The Shock Doctrine by Naomi Klein (2007)

The Privatization of War

I’m ashamed to say that I was one of the people who passed this book up despite the countless recommendations from friends. It took seeing Naomi Klein speak in person to make me rush out and read it. I implore you not to make the same mistake. If you haven’t read it, get this treasure now. As we reflect on the past decade, this book stands out as one of the most important.

Klein’s masterpiece is the ultimate work for understanding the changes in economics and politics from the 1960s to our present global system. Don’t let the heavy topic overwhelm you. The thoroughly researched book is a captivating page-turner with clear, powerful language. Anyone can pick this up and love it.

Klein shows the systematic way repression has been delivered during societal crises over the last forty years in order to force unpopular economic changes . From Chile to Poland to South Africa, the narrative tells the story of how crises are exploited to push privatization and unfettered free markets on people while shattering social programs and movements.

The results are disturbing and ongoing. In each case, democracy was curtailed or crushed in the interests of the economically powerful. With Hurricane Katrina and Iraq she explains the latest stages of this “disaster capitalism”, as relief efforts and wars are privatized and become even more profitable for corporate elites. For example, Klein describes how in the newly conquered Iraq, the US prioritized the privatization of Iraqi oil after they destroyed the country’s infrastructure, gutted public services, and looked the other way while its cultural heritage was looted.

As the world becomes more and more divided into gilded, gated communities and struggling masses, this timely tome is required reading.  And to be kept in mind while we see what’s happening in Haiti…

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Brace Yourself For War Games

Still laughing at Sarah Conner? Then check out the latest developments below.  Guerras Machinas Apocalyptica is coming.

Developing the computer brain: Researchers at IBM have developed their parallel cortical simulator, known as C2, to 4.5% the cerebral cortex capacity of a human brain, significantly higher than that of a cat. The complexity is at a point where they are struggling to figure out what the computer brain is actually “thinking”.

The groundwork for cyber control: Security firm McAfee recently released a report saying that we are at the dawn of cyber warfare, with the US, UK, Germany, France, China and North Korea already in the game. Through the internet, a country’s infrastructure – electricity, communications, business, production – can be disrupted.

And, of course, the robot killing machines: The Laboratory of Intelligent Systems in the Ecole Polytechnique Fédérale of Lausanne, Switzerland created a 1,000 robots that competed against each other in two groups for food. The machines were able to find hidden food sources, lie, detect liars, and pass on information to other bots.

Boston Dynamics, a robotics design company, developed The BigDog robot with funding from DARPA, an agency of the US Defense Department. It can carry 340 loads over all terrain types and walked 12.8 miles without stopping or refueling, a record for legged travel. It’s other project is Petman – a bipedal bot that sweats, stimulates human body temperature, and walks almost human-like.

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Guerras Machinas Apocalyptica

Part II of The Most Likely Dystopia to Happen First (and what we can do about it)
By Zeno Telos

Judgement day?
Cylon Centurions

Judgment day?

Simulants, Cylons, Cybermen, Daleks. You’ve heard about them by many names, but this is it, baby. This is the doomsday we need to prepare for. While this story ultimately goes back to Mary Shelley’s Frankenstein, the modern version  is best portrayed in movies like War Games and The Terminator.

In our constant search for better war machines and defense systems to protect us from our enemies’ war machines and defense systems, there will arise robots and programs that gain consciousness and turn against us, their human masters. At first we’ll send these human-killing bots to other countries to pummel poor people back into the stone age and take their resources. We’ll love it. It’ll be hailed as a great invention. War without death, at least not our boys.

Soon we won’t need people ordering the robots. Smart bots will anticipate our needs and act accordingly with better results. Set on seek and destroy and they will. Then the consciousness will start to creep in. And then Skynet or Master Control Program will take over and start sending the robots to murder us, launching nukes all over the planet.

Helping make this nightmare a reality is that military-industrial complex that Eisenhower warned us about. Not that we listend. It’s as strong and dominant as ever, continuing to make billions off the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan.  Was Arnie right when he said, “Judgment day is inevitable.” Maybe, but we still have to try to stop it.

There’s clearly more than meets the eye going here and I’m not talking about COBRA. No, something sinister is behind this drive. After much thought and lot of scotch, I’ve determined that only one force that could devise and execute a plan of such horrific magnitude: Satan. Yes, the Devil himself is certainly behind this plot to wipe us all out.

Tell me Satan is not pulling the strings here: In 2009, the US is spending over one trillion dollars ($1,000,000,000,000) on war-related funding (“defense spending”) and is almost equal to the rest of the world’s military spending combined. The US is the world’s largest arms dealer, supporting over 160 countries with aid and weapons. Sounds like Beelzebub to me. Its not yet time to hole up in mountain bunkers stocked to the nines with guns, liquor, and ammo, but we need to start fighting the Satanic war machine immediately, before the toasters take over and implement their prime directive: “exterminate the whole human race.”

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The Most Likely Dystopia to Happen First (and what we can do about it)

"It's the suede-denim secret police; They have come for your uncool niece."

"It's the suede-denim secret police; They have come for your uncool niece."

by Zeno Telos

There’s so much shit brewing right now for humans that many feel it’s a coin toss as to which human-created catastrophe will consume us first. Others feel we’ll be hit all at once. The answer to this question isn’t just some philosophical coffee shop chatter either – these are real events looming over the horizon that will effect every one of us. The very survival of our species is at stake. Given the hazards and the mountains of literature on the topic, people often – and understandably – get too stressed out to formulate an opinion on the matter, much less a plan for action. This piece here organizes the outcomes and weighs them against one another in order to figure out what the most immediate and severe threat is. This will probably be the most important thing you’ve read in your life up to this point.

1984. We’ve all read George Orwell (or we should all be forced to read him- in a democratically forced way, of course). Or maybe you’ve perused Sinclair Lewis’s It Can’t Happen Here or listened to Jello Biafra’s California Uber Alles. A totalitarian future where suspected subversives are snatched up, strapped to a chair, and rodents are propelled into their faces as they bore through flesh. That’s enough to freak out even the most sedated, Doritos-eating couch-potato. This used to be most likely dystopian reality facing us all, but the year 1984 came and went, Reagan is dead, and fascist states have come and gone. While a few nut-jobs are stockpiling spam and guns in Wyoming preparing for the black helicopters from the UN world government, this sci-fi story is not the big threat anymore. Video-cams increasingly catch our every move and info-trackers on the net turn our entire lives into another corporate database entry, but people still demand rights and information is more available than ever. So open your eyes, it can’t happen here….at least not yet.

The Handmaid’s Tale. Women cream themselves over this novel, but in fact its just a dry reworking of 1984 with women as the objects of subjugation by men. Perhaps a reality in Saudi Arabia or Iran, this story is not a real possibility for the world’s future. The real danger we’re headed for is exactly the opposite – a future of matriarchal dominance with men stripped of all their rights. Rage has built up after millennia of women being treated as servants and half-humans, and their vengeance will be swift and absolute. How can women have total control over men? It’s simple – their smarter, better communicators, and have pussies. Now that the political chains are being lifted, women’s natural talents, which far outstrip men, will flourish and rule them all and in the darkness bind them. Women have more activity between the two sides of their brains than men and overall score higher on IQ tests. As natural multi-taskers women can simultaneously knit mittens, talk on the phone, write a novel, and control the world. It was only a matter of time before women freed themselves to take their place as our masters. Many were already the silent rulers behind the thrones of history. But now that their widespread subjugation is nearing its end, men everywhere will be forced to pee while sitting down, surgically operated on to have babies, and be stripped of all their possessions. Women already marry and divorce men like they’re swallowing cupcakes – taking all their shit and moving on to the next poor, unsuspecting sod. Nevertheless, this future doesn’t qualify for the dystopian disaster we’re looking for. Although it won’t be pleasant, it’s not the end of everything. With women in charge, men will still get sex at least once a year and there will probably be less wars. So no need to panic, just burn your jock straps and start a leaflet campaign.

Zombies. “You think it’s a zombie, you think its scene, from some monster magazine, well open your eyes now, it’s too late, this ain’t no fantasy” – Danzig crooning away about the living dead.

While hell is not going to fill up any time this millennium, scientists estimate that the dead will begin to walk the earth within the century as chemical pollutants, genetic technology, and nuclear waste eventually collide in a calamitous undead cocktail. The fear that flesh-eating armies will march across the four corners of the earth was popularized by George Romero’s Night of the Living Dead series and more recently by The Zombie Survival Guide. These fears are, quiet frankly, overblown. All estimates by the scientific community point that the US has enough firepower and space for detention centers to beat back any zombie threat. This doesn’t even count the military arsenals of Europe or China. Can you imagine fighting an army that has no weapons or armor, who walk at a turtle’s pace, and whose soldiers fall the moment their brains are destroyed? Not a big deal. Any general in history would take on that battle and win in their sleep. I love the zombie movies, but we have to remember the “inevitable” domination of life by the undead is just film-spawned fear. Surely somnambulant corpses will be coming to a neighborhood near you soon, but they’ll be contained and dealt with like any other disaster.

Geneticism.
Anyone who hasn’t seen Gataca yet, needs to stop reading and download this powerhouse right now.  This Brave New World predicts genetically altered super humans will takeover and usher in a new era of injustice against us “normals.” This Darwinian wet dream of test-tube factories pumping out Ken and Barbie clones with big brains seems bound to happen. Do we need to go to Def-con 5? Not really, but we should fight for enough freedom to preserve diversity and originality in humanity.

Aliens. That we have secret alien masters ruling over is has been a favorite of conspiracy theorists since Nazis started building saucers to send their goons to the moon. Frequent UFO sightings, daily reports of abductions, and a growing fear of enslavement by bleach white, light-bulb headed munchkins is starting to cause people to act a bit irrational. The best movie on the subject is John Carpenter’s They Live – which portrays a subliminally-controlled world of humans who are told to consume and obey while our secret alien masters get rich off our misery. The irony of course is that we already live in this world, although our masters are all too human. So what about the aliens? They’re out there and they may visit us every now and then taking a few Lynard Skynard fans will them for experimentation, but there is zero evidence of any plan for occupying this planet. If they’ve left this planet alone for so long, its doubtful they will start any time soon. And we have to remember, we’re talking about multiple alien races who’ve left us alone – so that show’s you how little interest they have in us. And if they do want turn earth into their colonial shooting gallery- they won’t go through elaborate strategies of secrecy – they’ll just come down and do the job the old-fashioned way.

Cyberspace. From Neuromancer to Snow Crash to The Matrix – there’s many virtual futures we’d rather not have to live through. But these are child’s play compared to threat contained in Better Than Life. Imagine entering a world where you are god and everyone loves you and everything you want to happen does. This is probably sooner around the corner than we think – hooking our brains up to a machine and living in a virtual paradise. People will have access to instant gratification of taste, touch…anything. Will we actually leave these ego-machines once we’re plugged in? What will happen to human relations when everyone thinks they’re Brad Pitt or Angelina Jolie? And the greatest danger is for men: sex with whomever or whatever they like, whenever they like. Let’s be honest – they’ll never leave. Think World of Warcraft meets the Playboy Channel. This fate is pretty much guaranteed and could really signal the end of civilization. If it wasn’t for an even more gruesome fate that awaits us, this one would be number one.

Nanotechnology. These are pieces of machinery that are tinier than atoms. The fear is that these suckers will get out of control and kill us in unintended ways as they enter our bodies, or they’ll just inadvertently wipeout the food supply.  If we destroy ourselves with nanotech, we’re idiots.. While there’s a lot of evidence for this, there’s more evidence that the nanotech risk lies in its use for military purposes, like millions of invisible robotic killers being dumped on a country by a drone. This leads to our final and greatest threat, which is the most likely apocalypse to happen first…

…and which will be revealed in the second part of this post.

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