by Zeno Telos
‘Tis the season again for that annual Christian outrage over using “happy holidays” versus “merry Christmas”. The debate, however, misses some important background. Xmas is not a Christian holiday. The central tenants of Christmas reveal its pagan core- a flying bearded fat man, elves, talking reindeers, pine trees with presents, and festive feasts with plenty ‘o spirits. While the fundies get aneurisms over the “war on Christmas,” people of all supernatural beliefs are enjoying the break to drink like pirates with family and friends. I personally like to raise a glass to Athena before slicing into the sacrifice of turkey and lamb.
Evangelical Christians aren’t the only ones with Christmas confusion. One of the more bizarre yuletide traditions can be found up North in Belgium and Holland. Santa Klaus – or Sinterklaas as he’s known to the Flemish – comes to drop off the presents on Dec 6th. Its not the 25th but he still has a white beard and wears red to work. However, instead of arriving with the artic winds, he’s comes from the South – Spain to be precise. Sí, señor. España. Which I understand – if I were an immortal with magic powers, I’d be living in a beach house on the Mediterranean too. I hate the cold.
Sinteerklaas and the Zwarte Piet coming on the steamboat from Spain
Since Ol’ St. Nick is coming via Barcelona, he obviously ditched the reindeer. No Dasher, Dancer, or Prancer for this hombre. Nope, he uses what any supernatural Southern Santa would use: a steamboat. And if that weren’t enough to conjure up images of Huck Finn, Sinterklaas has forgone the snow-white elves for black helpers known as the Zwarte Piet, or Black Petes. Yes, a white man leading a steamboat up a river from the South filled with black helpers to deliver cargo to the kids up North. Not the kind of imagery that meshes with “the most wonderful time of the year.” Clearly, the Dutch still have their colonialist issues to work through.
So this Xmas, let’s forget the controversies and focus on those pagan fundamentals. As for me, I’ll be sitting by a blazing fire of Hades, ravaging through presents with a bottle of Jack.
